Synaptic Pruning - How Your Brain Changes from Motherhood

Why Motherhood Changes Your Brain Forever

They say when a child is born, a mother is born also. Biologically, it’s true. But the identity of “mother” is not born in an instant. It is forged through grief, grit, tears, and the purest love — it is definitely not for the faint of heart; and this forgery has become an unspoken knowing amongst all mothers.

When I realized how much I had changed — almost against my will — it felt like a psychic blow. Perhaps it was because I didn’t understand why. Why couldn’t I just feel like myself anymore? Why was I resisting the transformation from maiden to mother? Why was I so unhappy in this new role?

The answer, I later learned, is written in the brain.

A 2002 study (later summarized in The New York Times) showed that a woman’s brain changes more rapidly during pregnancy and postpartum than at any other time in her life — even when compared to puberty.

Gray matter actually reduces in some regions. This process is called synaptic pruning; it strips away old connections to make room for new ones. Just like you would tear out an outdated kitchen before a remodel, the pruning clears away the "empty space" for upgrades in emotion identification.

"You may forget what day it is, but you'll notice the tiniest shift in your baby's face and know exactly what they need."

What we call “pregnancy brain” or “mom brain” is only half of the story. Yes, the hippocampus — our memory center — loses gray matter. But new connections flourish in the theory of mind region, which is where empathy and attunement live. It's the very part of the brain that helps us read the needs of others and it is now more lit up than NYC (in terms of synapsis).

In other words: you may forget what day it is, but you’ll notice the tiniest shift in your baby’s face and know exactly what they need.

For me, this shift felt like an internal flooding. My maiden brain was an overgrown jungle, and pruning cleared the debris. I hacked through new neural pathways, machete in hand, as my new, motherly self slowly emerged.

But this is why conversations feel nearly impossible in early motherhood; why friendships may fracture; why you feel like a stranger in your own bodily home. Your brain is literally reorganizing how you perceive the world.

"Synaptic pruning means possibility. In motherhood, what feels like loss is your brain making room for new growth."

But here’s the good news: pruning means possibility. During pregnancy and postpartum, the brain is more plastic — more able to rewire — than ever. Which means we can choose what to feed it. Imagine if, instead of only surviving, we also filled our minds with books, practices, and truths that help us grow into the mothers that are aligned with who we want to become.

At the time, no one had shared this knowledge with me, likely because they didn't know it themselves. Instead, they warned me about sleepless nights, postpartum depression, and baby blues. But no one prepared me for the heartbreak of feeling like a stranger in my own skin.

If you feel it too, hear this: you are not broken. You are transforming into the woman motherhood commands you to be.

Synaptic pruning shows us that loss can be the doorway to new growth. But to step through, we must grieve the maiden — the self we once were. That is where this journey leads next.

"If you feel like a stranger in your own skin, you are not broken. You are transforming into the woman motherhood commands you to be."

Next in the series → Grieving the Maiden: The Spiritual Death No One Talks About